A Rejection Mindset

Rejection. A cold, hard slap to the face, sending startling shockwaves through the very air all around you, as everything seems to come to a crashing halt.

No matter who you are, or where you’re from, rejection hurts. This idea that someone could take one look at you, and decide that they don’t want anything to do with you, is painful, and for many of us, can bring up years of insecurities that the enemy often preys on, reminding us of the lies we know so well.

For me, my lie has often been that I am not loved. Now before you say anything, of course I know the truth! I know and have always known that I am loved beyond measure, however when I lay awake at night, the enemy slowly creeps in at my most vulnerable state, whispering my deepest fears and insecurities. However, with the Lord’s help, I am able to combat these thoughts, and am reminded of the great worth I have in His love.

But what about the instances where it’s not the enemy who speaks to my insecurities? When it’s a friend who rejects you, who doesn’t see the value in you, how do you combat these lies when the person telling you them, is someone you love? Someone you thought loved you too.

Unfortunately, this sting of rejection is inevitable. At some point in our lives, we will all look rejection in the eye, however it’s how we handle it that matters.

I like to think that when we are rejected, we often choose one of these three ways to cope; reject the person who rejected us, reject others who we think are like the person who rejected us, or reject ourselves. Obviously, none of these options seem to be the right way to handle the pain that comes along with these feelings, however we must sort through them before they become deep rooted in our hearts, resulting in years of possible turmoil and questioning “What could I have done wrong?” or worse, “What is wrong with me?“

You see, this is often how Satan works, taking little instances of hurt, and turning them into life long pain and insecurities. The way we view rejection ultimately determines how we respond to it. When we obsess and dwell on the hurt and what could have potentially led to this rejection (if anything!) we lose focus on what matters. Our actions carry out our mindset, which starts in our spiritual hearts. Because of this, when we choose to think differently, we are engaging the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

When I feel trapped in this vicious cycle, I am reminded that even Jesus was rejected. A lot. As hard as it may be, we are not called to be loved by everyone, to be accepted by all. In fact, God has given us the key to overcoming these negative thoughts and emotions in the face of rejection: prayer.

One of my favorite authors, Lysa TerKeurst, wrote in her book, Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely;

The mind feasts on what it focuses on. What consumes my thinking will be the making or the breaking of my identity.”

I remember reading this last summer and being completely wrecked by her words. During a difficult time in my life as I faced the realities of what it feels like to be rejected by friends, I took such comfort in knowing that I wasn’t the only one who dealt with this, and was reminded of His truth; When we allow the sting of rejection to become our focus, we welcome it not only into our hearts, but into our futures. I don’t know about you, but I definitely don’t want to be in my seventies and still thinking about the time my “friend” didn’t invite me to her birthday party!

At just the search of “Rejection” over 30,000 results come up, each with their own advice on how to go about this difficult situation. Some of which recommend “ignoring the person completely” or “having a glow up to show them what they’re missing” While these options may bring momentary satisfaction, we can only reach the spiritual satisfaction we all so desperately crave, (whether you know it or not!) through remaining in love, even when you feel unloved.

However, when I googled “What does God say about rejection?” almost double the results appeared, as it seemed like Christians all over the world were also asking the same question.

He has given you the answer. Don’t become so caught up and consumed by it all, the feelings of hurt, rejection, and shame, can be blinding, don’t put your focus so much so on the chaos, that you miss the miracle He has in store for you.

Wherever you are in your journey, perhaps you are still feeling the sting of the fresh wound that is rejection, as you fight the possible anger that comes along with it all, or maybe you feel like you’re “over it” but every once and a while, you are reminded of the hurt that still lingers deep within your heart, opening doors that you thought you had bolted shut, He sees you, loves you, and will never reject you like they have.

This week I challenge you to truly step back and take a look into your own life, watching for the little cracks that rejection has sunk in, making its home in your broken heart. Think about this hurt, what kind of reaction did it fuel? Has your mindset been one of which that is fixated on Him or have you been focused on the pain of it all, subconsciously doubting His goodness in not only the situation, but in your life?

♡ sophia beth-ann